Movie Review: The Expendables 2

AHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to rip my shirt off and run around town doing manly stuff like fighting, pillaging, and bear-baiting! This is what has become of me after watching The Expendables 2!


PLOT
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... hmmmm, there were some guns... oh, and an explosion... something about plutonium... hey Chuck Norris is in this! Yeah, I'm going to lay it out flat for you, this isn't a movie about plot, it's a movie about getting ALL the action stars together in one movie. The first one already did that though, so the second sort of lost part of it's pizazz as far as the all-star cast was concerned. I really liked the beginning and the end, that's where all the awesome action is, everything in between is boring exposition and Chuck Norris. Sure, action movies need a bit of substance to them lest they be senseless, but it's a movie featuring all the greatest action stars of all time, it gets a free pass on sense in my book.


CAST
Couldn't understand a damn person in this film most of the time except Bruce Willis and Liam Hemsworth (aka, the Hemsworth from Hunger Games and not Thor... disappointing much, film?) Naw, but I wanna talk about Hemsworth and Willis along with Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Norris, and Li. Why not the rest? 'Cause I don't got anything to say about the rest that the first movie didn't already establish.

Hemsworth is way too talented an actor to be in this film and seems to only get bit parts because his brother Chris is more famous. Like I said, he was the only actor I could understand, also the only character I cared about. The rest could live or die and I'd just enjoy the action, but Liam's character actually had depth to him and I respected that.

Willis and Schwarzenegger get bigger parts and they are awesome! If you come to the movie for references to old action films, these guys deliver on that front in the most satisfying of ways.

Van Damme plays an archetypal kills-everyone-he-sees kind of bad guy, but it wasn't a waste of a part for him. He delivers standard action villain stuff. I did spend half the movie wondering if it actually was Van Damme because I had forgetten he had been cast in it, but that's beside the point.

Norris and Li are the most wasted characters in this film. With Li, expect 5min of screen time, then nothing for the rest of the film. With Norris you'll get your obligatory Chuck Norris joke but no roundhouse kicks, take it or leave it. There's also one member of the cast I forgot to mention.


ODE TO CHARISMA CARPENTER
Oh Charisma Carpenter, it is lovely to see you in this film. You were in the last film and I had wondered if you'd be in this one as well. Since Cordelia Chase on Buffy and Angel you haven't done much relevant work. I respect The Expendable films for keeping your career alive. So say I, Casey, the poet.


DIRECTING
Simon West is known for such things as Con Air, Tomb Raider, The Mechanic, and a bunch of Budweiser commercials.... I never thought I'd say this, but, I miss Stallone's directing. The first film had building action and awesomeness, but no real depth. This one had some action and awesomeness and a sad attempt at depth that really didn't go anywhere. Also, some of the scenes were handled wrong, like the Chuck Norris Stuff. First off, it seemed like his part was written for Clint Eastwood (you'll see what I mean). Second, Norris' first scene (the awesome reveal scene) just kind of happens and doesn't really have much kick to it... y'know, like a roundhouse kick! And third, the joke was misplaced, they put it at the very beginning of his scene, if they had put it at the end it would have ended the scene with a good feeling. Instead we get the reveal and joke up front and then Norris just kind of deflates until he's off screen.


AND FINALLY
As awesome as The Expendables 2 was, I kind of liked the first one more. It's not that I expected the sequel to be any better, it's that I had at least expected it to deliver the same thing the first one did. Instead some of the film falls short. That being said, all the bad stuff is worth sitting through for the awesome stuff as well as the humorous stuff. I give this film somewhere between a B- and a C+. Fans of the actors, the explosions, and the guns should go see it if they get the chance, the rest of you can make it a rental. But don't pirate it, the movie (or was it the theater?) warned us not to!