Saturday, August 28, 2010

Movie Review: Vampires Suck

Yup, I'm reviewing this one. It ain't gonna be pretty. Movie first, then cast, then director, the audience, and finally the grade and final note.
Okay, so the one good thing about the movie I can say, is that it was better than I thought it would be. The type of movie it is usually sucks. It fits the cheap-spoof-movie-that-recycles-jokes genre. The evil, retarded brother of good spoof movies like: Airplane, Scary Movie 1 & 2, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz (a genre spoof on that one). But it was the best of the type of movie it was. Mostly because it stuck with one movie this time, technically two, instead of a bunch. A lot of movie's being spoofed makes things messy. One thing that bothers me about these movies, and Vampires Suck is no exception, most of their funny stuff is at the beginning. The humor tends to be random, so you laugh a lot at the beginning because everything seems silly, but as the movie progresses, things become dull and over used. That's what I have to say on that.
The cast was filled with a bunch of unrecognizable people or people I didn't care for or people from MADtv (may that show rest in peace; Fox is the Devil's Network!). So I only have two things to say on this. The actors did a really good job imitating and humorously portraying the cast of the Twilight movies. Which also means they're better actors than the cast of the Twilight movies.
Two people made this film: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. They are two of the writers who worked on the original Scary Movie, clearly the Wayans Brother's held the true genius behind those films. These guys are also known for: Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie (Read: crap, crap, crap, and crap). Naturally with Vampires Suck, they recycled a few jokes, some of which they pulled straight from Scary Movie. But they didn't do it as often as they have with the other movies, so for that I say, "you guys are getting better."
The audience. I was 1 out of 8 people in the theater. Very quiet. This is a prime example of why Hollywood and the Theater industry is going to hell. No movie should be so damn bad that only 8 people buy tickets for one showtime.
Finally, I get to give a movie my first C! Make it a rental, folks! Better nobody sees it in theaters, to send Hollywood a message, than 8 people. Also, the movie is way better than those Twilight films. My final note, if Christopher Nolan made Vampires Suck, it would have been the most beautiful Vampire film ever made. But this is reality, unfortunately Christopher Nolan can't make every film. But Hollywood should definitely take a cue from the guy and start making good movies.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Casey Rafler vs the World

Alright, a couple of things up front, MAJOR MOVIE SPOILERS are in this, so don't read unless you've seen the movie or read the comic. Also, this post will be INCREDIBLY LONG, read at your own pace. I've given fair warning. This movie bothered me on a few levels, despite how awesome it was and how much I liked it. I've never had a movie influence me in this way, so I felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest. Some of you may have read my post relating to my life and T.V. shows/movies. That's one reason why I'm writing this. I tried knocking around a few titles for this blog post, such as Casey Rafler vs Scott Pilgrim vs the World or Casey Rafler vs Scott Pilgrim. But I remembered that this article is aimed at making comparisons, not contrasting things. Therefore, the title must be Casey Rafler vs the World, a story about how my life mirrors Scott Pilgrim. Also, I will not use names of people in my life, for their sake, but I'm sure they'll recognize what role they played. Let us begin, shall we.

Naturally there are a few differences between the character Scott Pilgrim and myself, but even those have a hint of similarity to them. Scott Pilgrim's Canadian, I'm from Kansas. He play's bass guitar for a band, I played drums for a band and technically still do. He's in his twenties I'm 19. All of these things are so closely related, yet different. Now we'll break things down in the similarities part, warning, this will take a while.

Let's start with Knives Chau. The young-enough-to-cause-a-clear-social-barrier Asian girl who's totally into Scott, despite the fact that he's not really interested in her. Since this is a blog post on why I'm so similar to Scott, I am inclined to say, "been there, done that." Yes the girl was Asian, yes she was younger than me, yes she was more interested in me than I was in her, yes she wasn't approved of by some of my friends, and yes she was the girl following a bad relationship or two in my past. Now I'm not sure if she ever stalked me, but then again, Scott Pilgrim wasn't aware that Knives was stalking him. In the end, things are cool between them, Casey realizes he was kind of a dick during the break up, but she's cool with it, and Knives moves on. This next part will up the creepy similarity factor ten fold. The next girl I dated after my Knives girl, became my Romona Flowers!

Okay, so some time goes by, but time was apparently going by in the film as well. I meet the girl who dyes her hair, I'm not shitting you with this, she dyes her hair and everything. Her and I click despite a few social differences. Romona and the girl are very "cool" people if you will, by that I mean, they both have a take no crap attitude and tend to go with the flow and are spontaneous on occasion. They both wear black with vibrant block colors and of course, the hair dye thing. Scott and I are clearly socially awkward, we don't know how to talk to the pretty girl and constantly analyze whether or not we're screwing things up. Despite all of this, Romona and I click and get together, following the Knives thing no less! Thus beginning the social commentary on the guy fighting for the girl.

Now let me be clear. I didn't have to fight Seven Evil Exes to be with my Romona Flowers. But the point of the Exes in the movie, was to provide something Scott must fight against to win Romona Flowers heart. Every guy has to fight some type of battle to be with the girl of his dreams. Oh, that's another point, I dreamed about my Romona Flowers as well. Anyways, the Exes became a physical manifestation of Scott having to deal with Romona's issues to be with her. He even had to fight some of his own issues, such as Nega Scott. I feel like I was fighting Nega Casey more than Seven Evil Exes. Although, since my Romona Flowers is still in contact with her exes, I did have to deal with them being in the picture.

To my knowledge, none of her exes began a league of evil exes, although one of them threw the idea around. None of them became famous movie star skateboarders. One of them may have been vegan, the guy was totally into himself and acted like Todd, so, yeah. Not sure if she ever dated a girl, but funny story there, however, I will not get into that for my Romona's sake. Don't think she dated twins. But she has dated a few bad apples. Like every girl, she had the very young relationship, similar to Romona and Matthew Patel. I think everyone has had that young non-lasting relationship.

Scott's such a nice guy and try's his damnedest to fight for Romona. This earns him an extra life, which somewhere down the road earns him a second shot. So back to the story at hand. Casey and his Romona break up. Why? No real reason, except later revealed issues with Romona's past.

So inevitably, despite the break up, Scott still fights for Ramona. He professes his love, which earns him power, but that power breaks and shatters. He looses a life, but still has one more and gains a second shot. This time he resolves his issues with people from his past, with himself, and with her, this gains him Self-Respect. That's what "wins" her back. He fights for her and then himself. I spent so much time fighting for my Romona, we go out, we break up, I still fight, I learn things about myself and her. Romona tells Casey to be with another girl, perhaps not a specific girl like she told Scott, but it's still a similarity. Casey ends up following Romona Flowers, like he always wanted, she let's him back into her heart, the two start anew with this second chance as they run off together to live happily ever after. Except that's the way the movie/comic tells the story. Scott Pilgrim vs the World, has a "sequel" it's called Scott Pilgrim vs Reality. This is why the ending bothered me so much and why I felt this post was necessary. Let's break it down in the next paragraph.

Romona has issues with her past, with the type of girl she is, those issues probably run deeper than relationship issues. Although, relationship issues are both a cause and effect of her problems, simultaneously. Whatever issues Romona has, probably influence her relationships, clearly her problem with Gideon influenced her and Scott. But now her relationship issues have grown out of proportion and become just as big as other problems she has. Here's the thing, she doesn't know how to deal with these issues. The whole reason she was in Canada with Scott was because she ran away from her past. She runs from her issues, doesn't confront them. That's clearly not going to work. It didn't work when she came from New York to Canada, hell, she managed to put her issues on Scott. Now Scott being one of the nicest guys she's known, decides to run away with her and not care about those past issues. Or at the very least, run away with her so that the two can deal with the issues together.

Of course running away physically is a metaphor for running away emotionally and mentally. So in my version of the story, no actually running is done. Casey and Romona try for the second shot, Casey is willing to let everything go, her issues, he has confronted his own (which is healthier than running, even Scott Pilgrim practically pointed that out, with the swords and leveling up and whatnot, yet still had the ending it did.) But here's what will happen. Romona will still be cool Romona and Scott, he'll still be awkward Scott. Romona's going to eventually realize she can't run from her issues, she must confront them. Here's the kicker, these issues involve relationships, which means she's probably not going to want her own boyfriend Scott to be involved with them.

She won't want to handle a relationship with anyone while she deals with her issues. Hell, she'll even most likely do a few bad things and not be quite sure why she did them. But I'm betting she's not at fault for the bad, or if she is, she only did them as part of running away from the problem. Intentionally making things worse so she has an actual physical reason to break up with Scott again, when in reality, she still has no real reason. She'll call him amazing and wonderful, but believe that this love just can't be. Inevitable she won't want to trust her own boyfriend with her issues at all. She'll then proceed to making an irrationally rash decision, such as breaking up yet again. She'll rationalize this decision with her own issues and that one event even she's not quite sure about. Part of her, deep down, does want to be with Scott, she'll even consider staying with him, but only briefly, until the flood waters of her issues and that event come pouring in.

They break up, neither one will be happy with this. Scott will be extremely disappointed that she up and broke his heart again when he offered everything to be with her. Romona will feel bad, partly because she now has to confront her issues alone, partly because she does truly like the guy somewhere deep down but ignores this, and partly because of reasons she's not even sure of but most likely relate to the second part. So, with this in mind, I take on the persona of Scott writing a letter to Ramona. This is the "true ending" to all of this, assuming things have to be "left open" like the end of the film:

Dear Ramona,
Sorry things had to be this way. I fought for you always, and will always fight for you. You don't have to run away from your issues, I was willing to help you confront them, if only to offer a comforting shoulder and a 1-Up life boost. Once you deal with your issues, if you realize I'm still the guy, despite how bad a third shot would look, perhaps the game can Restart. Until then, if that day will even come, I move on. I continue the game of love as I hope you will one day too. If the game doesn't work for us unless we play two-player, then we'll know Scott and Romona are meant to be. If by chance we win the game separately, I wish you all the best, and I know you'll wish me the best. Just remember, no matter what, even when I've fully moved on, if I must do that, you'll always hold a High-Score in my heart. Thanks for everything.
Love, Scott.

Now that's a hell of an ending. You all see now why Scott Pilgrim vs the World bothered me, I could relate. But I could relate a little too well and, based on experience, things didn't go so well. I want to ask my Ramona for the Hollywood movie ending, but that wouldn't be fair, to myself or to the girl who (granted) may be the actual right one for me, assuming my Ramona is not. I don't know what the future holds, if Ramona and Scott truly do stay together, I'm happy with that. If not, I'll move on and be happy with a different path. On that note, I end an incredibly long chapter in my life, a chapter that can span a year and a half as well as 6 comic books and a 2 hour long movie. Whatever my sequel holds, I can't wait, if you're in the sequel Ramona, welcome back, if not, hello new love interest, I can't wait to get to know you.

Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs The World

Okay, so this movie actually made me think. I'm going to try to make this short. I plan on writing an incredibly loooooooong rant about the more troubling parts of the film in a later blog post. For now. Film, cast, comic, director, audience, and grade with final note.
Okay, pretty fun special effects. Loved the visuals of the film. Kept me entertained. Enough said.
Michael Cera, spitting freaken image of myself, I related to the character, I like the actor. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, pulled off a good Romona Flowers I must say. Ellen Wong, spot on performance as well, for what they wanted to capture. Kieran Culin, apparently a much better actor than his more famous brother, I keep seeing Kieran in more stuff. Chris Evans, he's going to get type cast for superhero stuff, I'm telling you: Fantastic 4, Captain America, The Losers, Scott Pilgrim. Brandon Routh, didn't seemed type cast, only because it seemed more of a nod to superhero films with his role. Jason Schwartzman, seen him in one other thing, but I always recognize his name in stuff. The rest of the cast I don't really care to mention... all pretty cool I guess. Oh, the Twilight chick was cool too (that's who the sister was Jose).
Never read the comic. Hear the film stays true to it very well. This would explain why the movie seemed so long, had to fit so much into it.
Edgar Wright, the director. Hott Fuzz, hilarious. Hitchhiker's Guide entertaining. Shaun of the Dead, good stuff. I think I'm beginning to like this director.
The audience. Very annoying. People murmured and whispered all around me. Is it too hard to ask for people to shut the hell up during a film, honestly?!
Grade: A, only because I promised Jose, and I hope you all find the movie as intriguing as I did, hope we get into discussions about it! I'll post something longer on what I thought about the film in a different post, warning, it will have spoilers!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Movie Review: The Expendables

So I recently got stuck in Malibu/ Santa Monica recently. Long story short or perhaps, long story cut by a lot, I saw The Expendables. Here's my review. Let's break it down shall we. First we talk about the movie. Then the cast. Then Stallone. The audience. Finally, the grade I give it and final note.
If you go into this film thinking it will be some action flick with explosions, babes, guns, and car chases. Well let me tell you something, it delivers! Full on! You have to see it to believe it, but it takes all the best elements of all the best action movies, and puts it all together in one single film! Okay, well, that's what I have to say on that. If you're into action films, and don't care about plot, The Expendables is good for you. I'm not saying the plot's bad or anything, but some things seemed very unnecessary, to the point that the film could be cut down to only its action sequences at some parts.
The wonderful cast of actors. I only have to use last names, because you'll recognize them. Stallone, still has a bit of Rambo and Rocky in him. Statham, works well with Li, awesome with the action. Li, couldn't understand him half the time, but love to see him fight. Lundgren, clearly in the film because of Stallone, but he's still cool. Couture, hated his role, don't see why he was necessary, but I guess he worked. Austin, one Stone Cold guy throughout the film, pun intended. Crews, love this black guy in all of his work. Rourke, needed a bigger part, the guy is a lot better an actor than most of the cast. Willis, well, he's in the film, take it or leave it. Governator, hey, he's in it too, awesome scene as well. Nice to see Heroes didn't ruin Eric Roberts career. Also good to see Charisma Carpenter working again.
Sylvester Stallone. This guy is famous for Rocky and Rambo, naturally, so he gets credit there. Apparently, the dude, directs, writes, and stars in a lot of his films, not just this one. On a different note, the guy has been known for his mumbling voice, but when you hear him in person, or in interviews, its not that bad. I'll say this, when he gets behind a movie camera, the mumble comes back for some reason. The directing of the film seemed... classic, as if to say he was capturing something from way-back-when. On a related note, I could scream fake on some of the special effects, it would seem. As far as writing, he was able to fit all of these famous people in one movie, but sometimes (SPOILER) you don't see some of them for long periods of time, without explanation as to why. (END SPOILER) So that's that.
The audience. We saw it opening night, so the theater was packed. The audience was fine, naturally though, it was filled with 20 something drunk people trying to have a fun night. A lot of giggling girls for some reason, so watch out for that. The guy who sat in front of me looked like David Bowie and smelled like pot. So expect that. Otherwise, the audience is fine.
My final grade for this film, a solid B. See it if you can, it's pretty worth it. I'll say it was better than The A-Team, and I liked The A-Team. The movie definitely fits well as an action movie. So it's a must see, if you're into those movies. Enough said.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Sad Attempt to Rap

(NOTE: Read my comment before reading this post please. Thank you.)
I didn't know what to write about and the last time I just went random with my thoughts things may have gotten a little boring and sad. So I figured I'd make a little rhyme or rap if you put a beat to it, it's technically going to be a freestyle, but not really. Some of it will be completely relevant to certain matters, some of it will just be a bunch of filler lines. To make it more fun, I'll provide a non-rap commentary in parenthesis. Read without the commentary then with. Here goes nothing, or something:

Welcome, welcome, come on in,
close the door and let's begin,
40 day's a 40 nights, (that's a movie I think)
don't let time give you the frights,
I know what I know,
and I'll try not to lie,
it'll get the tears out of your eye.

The second part, it's after the start,
these next words won't seem so tart,
I can be bitter, I can be sad,
I got what I want and I have what I had, (Dr. Seuss moment)
so please don't feel weird when I say this,
it's like I get a tetris every time we kiss.

Let's drink on three and let it all go,
sit back, relax, and go with the flow,
this is not the answer and I've learned that now,
I give it all to God, and that is how, (don't worry, not a Jesus Freak)
what he sees fit to give to me,
I'll love with my heart and all will see. (anything, don't even know what)

The fourth is when the rap must end,
emotions rip, twist, and bend, (never permanently, though)
but don't completely worry,
because we're not in a hurry,
things must be considered, evaluated and measured,
for the world to work right, and for all to be bettered. (last part got really into the rap.)