That title was a lie. I typed it because I thought it would send divine inspiration down on me so that I may type something epic in this current blog post. I don't even know what I'm about to say, I'm just winging this one. On the off chance that this post speaks to you in someway, well, perhaps I was inspired after all.
I'm just going to start with how I'm feeling, work from there. Perhaps this topic will lead somewhere. (Side Note: Perhaps I should make a Vlog, for the really special stuff I want to say.) Anyways, I've been feeling just a tad bit off recently. I'm not sure what it is, but a lot of things keep throwing me off balance. I receive either a feeling of anger from this or a complete sense of alienation. But it's not the type of alienation found in ignorance. I'm not trying to purposely remove myself from things that will otherwise make me angry. I feel as if I've stumbled across something, I know what it is, and I also know that I wouldn't actually feel angry if I didn't feel so alienated from it.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't get this "off" feeling all the time. It's more or less recent and it may or may not be caused from lack of sleep. I can tell you, my reader, that this feeling is manageable. I've been exercising it off, which will hopefully jump start the goal I'm trying to reach by either Halloween or next years Comic Con (read my facebook).
Moving on, I feel I should note my lack of sleep in this post. I have found that this topic may in fact extend back to my early childhood. I have come to the realization that I don't fall asleep as fast as others. In fact, I don't fall asleep as fast as pretty much everyone I know. Remember that kid at a sleep-over or camp that would always whisper to you, "are you awake?" and you would suddenly wake up from your in between sleep and wake trance to find that the kid who asked was wide awake. I was that kid and this type of thing has happened on more than one occasion. I've accepted that while some can hit a pillow and be completely knocked out, I cannot. This leads into Fall 2009.
Fall is when school starts, naturally. But I was beginning the college life. No longer did I have to function by the schedules of others, I made my own schedules. But once you realize that you're in college, suddenly you realize that you don't actually have to wake up early anymore. The second realization was what got me. I set all my classes to sometime around noon. This made it so that I could stay up until 1 and sometimes 2 in the morning without consequence. I functioned this way for an entire year. Then school ended, but my weird schedule did not. Now I went to bed late only to wake up late with nothing to do. That's what really set this bad sleeping pattern over the edge, waking up and realizing, "I don't have to get out of bed for anything," or perhaps even, "why do I need to get out of bed," or for the people feeling a little down sometimes, "what's the point in getting up in the morning?"
I'll admit that I had a brief run-in with that last one for about a week, but otherwise I suffer from the first one. I have nothing to do during the day, or at least, nothing to do until later. So moderately switching gears here, I went to my diabetic doctor a month ago (yes we get our own doctor on top of the normal one), I do this every three months. She tells me (yes the doctor is a female) that she wants me to start testing my blood sugar more often, then asks what my schedules like. She does this so she could set an alarm reminder on my blood sugar tester (very high tech), to remind me when I should test my blood sugar. At the time, I went to bed early at 11 and late at 1. She set one of my reminders to 12am. So much for earliest at 11, now the earliest I went to bed was 12. By some stroke of messed up luck and logic, the latest I went to bed became 2. Suddenly I began to wake up later and later, this adjusted what time I went to bed as well. I have been going to bed later and later each night/morning, waking up later and later each day. I have decided to set my own alarm, one for waking up. I'll set it earlier and earlier each day until I get back into a normal swing. So what if I feel tired all day? I have nothing to do, which means I won't feel tired during some test, or while working, etc. Perhaps by the time I do get something to do, my sleep will be back on track and I will thank myself for setting my own alarms.
Well, that about covers it. I wonder if anyone got anything from any of this. I just got a quick fix for my boredom. But more importantly, I was able to express myself, not only in my actions but my feelings as well. That's what a blog is for, in my opinion, expression. Take from it what you will, I only know of 4 people who read these anyways, so perhaps it helped you with something.
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