The Mostly True Story of the Coolest MoFo in the World: Me. (The abridged version.)

It started in 1991 when momma Rafler and daddy Rafler had a baby together, they
named him Casey The Well-Endowed. By age 5, Casey was gettin' all the bitches at
Pre-School when he showed off his tricycle, it had tricked out rims, an awesome
stereo system, and hydrolics. The ladies couldn't resist. At age 10 Casey
developed a serious Coke addiction. Coca-Cola was his favorite soda for the
longest time. But then, in his 14 year of life, tragedy struck.The dreaded
diabetus set in and Casey had to switch to diet, no worries though, diet is
quite slimming. At age 15 Casey moved to the chillest state in the Union,
California. He was originally from the most uptight state, Kansas. It was here
that Casey spent the rest of his life up until now, age 20 (almost 21). With the
coolest friends surrounding him, in the coolest state possible, Casey Rafler
became: The Coolest Motherfucker in the World (Who's also well-endowed.) True
story.

Movie Review: Immortals

It's been a while since I've done a movie review, I watched Immortals on Friday and figured it was good enough for me to do a review. Here it goes!




So I should start off by saying that if you own a phone and bring it to the theater you should naturally turn it off. Another thing you can do is put it somewhere where it won't fall on the ground. I don't care where: purse, pocket, pants, where the sun don't shine; just keep it from falling on the damn ground. Anyways, I'll move on from that point.




This movie was produced by the same people who produced 300 and was advertised as being a similar type of movie. I went into it thinking they'd fall horribly short of making anything remotely as awesome as 300 simply because Zack Snyder and Frank Miller didn't work on this film in anyway. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the movie lived up to the action the imagry and the coolness of 300.




On that note I should mention that the director did a decent job. Yes, the narrative was a little crappy at some points, but again, the imagry, action, and coolness picked up the slack. Also, I had no clue who Tarsem Singh was before this movie and he seems like he's just beginning his career, hope he goes far.




The acting in this movie was absolutely amazing, but only with 3 people, the rest kind of sucked. The three good actors include: Mickey Rourke (Hyperion), Luke Evans (Zeus; aka Mr Mustachio), and Henry Cavill (Theseusuperman). Rourke is just a good actor, yes he was play a rough and tough bad guy as always, but he does a damn fine job of it. Luke Evans, in my opinion, is the embodiment of Zeus, I never really understood Zeus' motives as a god when I took mythology class (he just seemed like an old pervert with anger issues), but with Evans, everything about Zeus seemed to click (except for the mustache). Seriously, just watch how he acts, every scene is powerful and all the parts about Zeus that I never got (like non-interference with humans and the anger issues) all seemed to make sense in this movie. Anyways, now we come to Henry Cavill, just like Evans, Cavill seemed to embody a certain something, something awesome, something heroic, something (dare I say)... super. He's totally going to make an awesome Superman! I much approve!




Overall, this movie is an enjoyable experience. Even if you find things to hate about it I guarantee you'll find something to like about it also. Ladies and gay guys get hot man abs, dudes and dykes get a female nude shot or two, and everyone gets action and decent acting for the most part. My final grade is a B, see it if you get a chance. No loss if you wait, but if you want a fun weekend movie to see with your friends make it this one or Harold and Kumar (if you're with your stoner buddies).

Pieces of Me, A Peace in Me.

Break it down bit by bit, piece by piece, what do you see? An empty shell of a man with nothing left to lose. A lonely heart standing in motion. Gone by the moment, gone by the day, fade into all that everyone sees but nobody accepts. You expect, but in return get less than put out. First you give up all, everything. Then you realize you need it all back. No worries my child, all will be well. Your wounds will be taken on in time. When the moon rises the sun does as well. Miles apart, too close for comfort. Time enough for change, the realization that you are everything you need to be. In this moment you are king. What do they make of you? What do you make of yourself? Are you everything you wanted to be? Are you at the destination of your desire? Motion stands still. Feeling escapes you and numbness is not your friend. You're wanted, dead or alive. Enter beauty. Enter the song that captures your sound, enter the girl that captures your heart, enter life. Nowhere, everywhere. Surrounding the seconds. A name eternal, but one without a name. And life will be, and you'll move closer, bit by bit, piece by peace to the soul. To morality, to intelligence, to disbelief, to sin. The motion of your heart, unstoppable, unbound. There for all to see. Gaining more than glory. Everything rushes in, and all is well.

Dreams

You ever have one of those dreams that stick with you when you wake up? I'm sure you have, I've had them. I can't be the only one who's had them, they're probably quite common. I had one of those dreams last night, or by the time you're reading this, two nights ago. I thought about it all day up until now and I'm not sure I'll be able to stop thinking about it for a while, that's why I figured I should write this. Dreams are a powerful thing.




It was quite a simple dream really, me, others, and stuff. You want me to get anymore generic? But this dream was filled with emotion and that's the stuff that sticks with you. A mix of just the right emotions and just the right imagery, well, that makes a memory and dreams like these are one's not easily forgotten.



I've seen these dreams force decisions upon people, I've seen these dreams become wishes, I've seen these dreams become reality. Perhaps that's why they are so powerful. They make you aspire, achieve, and attain. They find your deepest desires and make them a reality, at least in some world. That's what makes them so appealing, the chance that literally in your wildest dreams you can rule the world, find true love, or destroy everything around you (if you have a dark side.)




I can speculate all I want about why these dreams are so powerful, ultimately, the only answer I can come up with is: heart. Not the thing that beats in your chest. I'm talking about the existential heart, y'know, the thing Ma-Ti yells when the Planeteers call upon the Captain. Your mind, body, and soul (if you believe you have one) are all influenced by this heart. The emotions you feel in these dreams last into your waking hours, either leaving you happy about life or depressed. Your "heart" represents the deepest desires within you, conquering that world, conquering love, etc.




What you do with your heart is entirely up to you. If it's broken, mend it. If it's happy, rejoice. Accept your heart and your dreams as one. Your heart is big enough, it can hold your dreams. And always remember: don't be afraid to dream bigger.

Movie Review: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I saw what can only be described as the best movie ever over the weekend, I am of course talking about The Change-Up, but Rise of the Planet of the Apes was really good too.




The acting in the film was absolutely wonderful. James Franco is so good at acting he can pull off a pot-head in one film and a scientist in the next. Freida Pinto was mostly good, apparently she was in Slumdog Millionaire, but it's been a while since I've seen that so I can't really analyze her acting fairly. Andy Serkis getting CGIified, pretty good, made me feel for the ape. John Fucking Lithgow, it's John Lithgow, he's just awesome. Brian Cox was good, but he reminded me way too much of James Lipton for some reason. Tom Felton pretty much played Draco Malfoy with a shotty American accent, eh, I guess our accent is becoming the hard one to do. David Oyelowo, possibly the most annoying character in the end, but played it well. Tyler Labine, this guy and James Franco actually made a believable science team. David Hewlett as Hey-That's-The-Guy-From-Stargate-Atlantis, loved him in this. That about covers them.




For a director with a pretty small resume, Rupert Wyatt did an excellent job. Every beat that was wanted and needed for this film was delivered damn near perfectly. This guy, he's going places.




Nothing else is really worth mentioning except the positive and negative aspects of this film. We'll start with the negative: some parts came off a little too ridiculously (forgivable moments), a few of the characters could get a little annoying at times (but I have a positive note about this), and Tom Felton's accent could have been better. The positive stuff: it ties everything into the Planet of the Apes franchise flawlessly and with love, the added bit of drama with John Lithgow's character was great, and it was packed full of moments that would make any nerd who has seen classic Planet of the Apes films nerdgasm. The ridiculous moments are made up for by all of the really great moments. As far as the annoying characters, I felt like most of the characters were supposed to be hated, after all, we're rooting for the Apes in this film not the humans. But Tom Felton, he really has no excuse, fuck his character and fuck his half-Draco Malfoy accent, I'm mostly teasing.




I give this film an A+, a must see. I think I've added the plus for one other film, I don't do it often. I'm just saying, this movie has something for everyone. Action, drama, romance, comedy, and apes. Even if your Mr. Negative Nancy Film Critic or even the Hipster Who Hates Good Movies I think you'll enjoy this film. Just see it and let me know what you think.

Movie Review: Transformers 3

Let me start off by saying that it's a Michael Bay film and has about as much depth as Bay is willing to put into his films (i.e. depth into female leads eyes and cleavage, depth into the center of an explosion, and depth into the interior of a really nice car.) That being said, this blog post won't have much depth to it either, not my fault, blame Michael Bay. Let's get started.




I have to get the annoying audience out of the way first. If this audience were watching any other movie besides a Bay film, I would have gone postal on the entire theater. I had a guy to the back left of me constantly expressing his suprise at the "awesome" moments depicted in the film. A lady directly in front of me kept clapping and acting giddy, not even kidding, she was a clapper; not a slow clapper either, a fast-paced loud clapper. The kid behind me kept kicking my seat. I kind of felt bad for the kid 'cause I could only assume he couldn't see over the seats (he was tiny) and therefore wanted to kick the seat in front of him in protest; dang that was an annoying audience. They're lucky it was a Transformers film and I really didn't care.




Now we'll talk about Michael Bay for a moment. I can't say much about him except that the guy is a good director... for what he directs. If you want an awesome action movie with explosions, car chases, and hot babes then Mr. Bay is your guy. Just don't expect depth from him, the only thing resembling any kind of depth in this film was the large chunk of exposition near the beginning that essentially explained why Megan Fox wasn't in the film and why Shia LaBeouf still was.




Speaking of the cast I really have nothing to say about any of them except the new love interest was a blonde English Megan Fox and that FREAKEN LEONARD NIMOY VOICED ONE OF THE TRANSFORMERS!!!!!!! Hells to the yeah, he was the best damn aspect of the entire film, they even managed to drop two, count 'em TWO Spock references into the film. One of them managed to twist a certain idiom Spock was famous for saying (during Wrath of Khan in particular.) Hells to the yeah Michael Bay, best damn thing you ever did to a movie was hiring this guy to lend his voice.




I've pretty much said everything I have to say about the movie in general: no depth, blonde Megan Fox, Leonard "Spock" Nimoy!!! So I'll just skip over my paragraph about the movie in general and just say it was awesome and leave you with my grade. I give this movie a C, make it a rental. It's still an awesome action flick and part of a pretty successful trilogy, so you may be able to enjoy a Friday night Transformers marathon in the future. Anyways, that's all I have to say, thanks for reading!

Nerds are hot now.

If there's one person on the face of this earth that I find more attractive than anyone else, it's me. I look in the mirror each and every day and go, "damn, you are one fiiiine modafuka!" I also look at myself in the mirror and go, "wow, I can't believe you're a total nerd." That's right, anyone who knows me has probably figured out that I like comic books, science fiction, and occasionally fantasy stuff. But how can someone as good looking as myself be something associated with pocket protectors, acne, and gigantic glasses? Oh, that's right, it's because nerds are totally hot now. I'm going to give you a few examples of famous nerds and tell you why they are hot. I also hope to get rid of the common misconception that nerds are losers that embody the "forever alone" meme.




Gentlemen and lesbians, get your google image search on, 'cause I'm about to mention some hot-famous-female-nerds. The most well known right now is probably Tina Fey, former SNL writer and star, she's won a ton of awards, and lives a happy married life with a child and one on the way: she's a self proclaimed nerd. Tricia Helfer, model, was also on the Battlestar Galactica remake series, she also dated another famous male nerd, the handsome Nathan Fillion, star of Firefly, voice of Buck in Halo: ODST, and villain/hero in Dr. Horrible. Lastly, this list would not be complete without metnioning Felicia Day. She isn't incredibly well known yet, but if you're a fan of World of Warcraft and watch a webseries called "The Guild" then you already know who this pretty red head is. Yes, she's a ginger, but damn it, some gingers look really hot.




Ladies and gay guys, this next one's for you... sort of. I can't really claim to know what's physically hot about dudes, except when I'm looking at myself in the mirror, so the men I'm going to mention are more successfully hot rather than physically hot. But in case you ladies want to google search eye candy, look up Ryan Reynolds or somebody, he's technically a nerd for having starred in a bunch of nerdy stuff like X-Men and Green Lantern.




First guy I'm going to mention is Joss Whedon, director of Buffy, Angel, Dr. Horrible, Firefly, and a bunch of other stuff that you've probably heard of but never watched. He gains a spot on this list for his famous cult following (aka nerd following) and being connected to other nerds I've mentioned like Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion.




The next guy you've most definitely heard of, J.J. Abrams. Everyone I know has seen a movie by this guy, I could also put Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Christopher Nolan in this paragraph simply because of how successful they are with non-nerds. Most non-nerds have seen Star Wars, E.T., and Close Encounters. What about Inception or The Dark Knight: Nolan films. Watch the new Star Trek movie, how about Super 8, I'm sure you watched LOST or Cloverfield, Alias or Fringe? Those are all Abrams. The non-nerd probably doesn't understand half of these films and shows, but they love watching them and that's my point. These directors have been exposing non-nerds to nerdy shit since the 70s and you non-nerds reading this, you've been enjoying nerdy stuff since the 70s, swallow that and try to make fun of a nerd.




Lastly, I'm going to mention the father of the hot nerd, Bill Gates. Wealthiest man alive for a long time and now in second place, occasionally hitting 3rd. This dude is far more successful than a lot of people will ever be. He made the nerd hot when he modeled in photos with all the computer tech he developed, computer tech you're probably using right now to read this (unless you're a Mac, shame on you). Imagine that bully on the playground making fun of Bill Gates, imagine that football jock picking on Gates in high school, imagine where they're at now. I don't care if that jock went on to be a famous football player or something, he'll never be as successful and happy with life as Bill Gates is, swimming in mountains of cash with his wife and kids.




It's been said that nerds tend to live happier, healthier, and better love lives in the long run. I just gave you a few of examples of this being true. I'm a proud nerd! I'm almost betting you are too, just a closeted one. I have one friend who loves Harry Potter and World of Warcraft, but probably wouldn't call himself a nerd. Another friend who's into computer tech more than the average person and wouldn't call themselves a nerd. I'm here to say, it's okay, you can come out now. Absolutely no one can mess with you anymore. Why? Because nerds are freaken hot now and everybody knows it.

Movie Review: Green Lantern

Yet another comic book movie review. Enjoy!




I'll start off with saying cell phones suck. Or rather, people who leave their cell phones on during movies suck. The audience was quiet and respectful throughout the movie but one lady, one lady, kept her cell phone on and guess what happened... ring, freaken, ring. I wasn't so much annoyed by this and in fact caught myself holding back laughter. It's one thing to talk during a movie because you're a person who likes to hold a conversation it's another to break the cardinal rule of ALL theaters: keep your cellphone off. I laughed because I knew that this lady had to be the stupidest lady in the world for not turning her phone off. Her stupidity was confirmed when she attempted to turn it off and apologized to the people around her because she couldn't do it for some reason then proceeded to muffle the noise. A for effort lady, F because you done fucked up.




In respects to the directing and writing of this film, it was good for the most part. I found a lot of "New Star Wars Trilogy" problems with it, like having characters randomly know each other and be close friends without any indication other than a scene were the two share an inside joke or some memory that happened off screen. Also, it was packed full of CGI, but then again, it kind of had to be in a way. It was still a pretty kickin movie otherwise, especially the last 15 or 20 minutes, those were packed with the awesome stuff you want to see in a Lantern film.




As far as casting goes I pretty much enjoyed it for the most part. I ended up liking Reynolds because he was able to play the part seriously and yet still provide a bit of humor making fun of the things that just seem ridiculous about the character. Blake Lively as Carol Ferris, she was alright, not too forgettable but not too memorable either, despite being the main love interest. Peter Sarsgaard as Hector Hammond, I don't know if the character was supposed to be a creeper, but Sarsgaard certainly pulled off playing him like one, props to this actor. Mark Strong as Sinestro, or should I say Mark Strong as the best part of the entire film, he was super boss. Angela Bassett as Dr. Waller, this lady has won a ton of awards for her acting and yet, I thought she was the worst actor in the film and that isn't a compliment to the other actors it's an insult to her. Tim Robbins was "eh", Jango Fett was a good Abin Sur, and Geoffrey Rush is just a good actor even playing a CGI Tomar-Re. Lastly, Michael Clarke Duncan as Kilowog, I thought the character was going to come off like the "big teddy bear" type that Duncan just seems to be, but his voice was perfect, it had the right amount of snarl and deepness to the it.



The most I can say about Green Lantern as a film is: if you go into looking for bad things, you'll find them. If you go in with lowered expectations but let the movie be itself, you'll be suprised to find that it isn't as bad as critics say it is. It's nowhere near the crap fest that X-Men 3 and Origins was and I ended up liking it better than Superman Returns, which I have a love/hate relationship with. The movie can be really enjoyable if you just want to watch something fun. It's not as mindless as crappy hollywood films that people watch to perpetuate the decline in movie quality, so you should be able to enjoy it without offending anyone.




I give this movie a B, see it if you get the chance. I would have given it a C for make it a rental, but I kind think people should see it for a lot of reasons: 1) You should make your own opinion of it, 2) It has a lot of blockbuster awesomeness, and 3) It needs to make money so an awesome sequel will be made (and trust me, it looks like it could have an awesome sequel.) So that's all I have to say about that, thanks for reading.

Movie Review: The Hangover Part 2

If I had a movie review for the first Hangover movie I'd tell you to read that so I could finish this blog post within one sentence. But I don't have a review of The Hangover, which means I'm going to have to actually write something for this. I promise it will be short and structured differently.




All I pretty much have to say about the film is: it's The Hangover, just a bit more extreme. Bradley Cooper cusses a lot more, Zach Galifianakis has more socially awkward moments, and Ed Helms... well, I don't want to ruin what happens with his character. I thoroughly enjoyed the film, it was funny, made me laugh. But it was The Hangover, if that drags the movie down for you then so be it, if not, then enjoy the film.




I give this film a solid C, make it a rental. You really don't need to see it in theaters, unless you're a real big fan of the first one, I mean BIG fan. It's also not worth the hassle of dealing with ID Nazis if you look like you're underage. Netflix it later, get it from the library, torrent it, I don't care, go ahead and watch it, it's funny, but you don't have to watch it now. Anyways, thank you for reading.

Movie Review: Super 8

Hello again person reading this blog post. I bring you yet another movie review because I like writing these and I keep seeing movies. Today we'll take a look at J.J. Abrams tribute to Spielberg, Super 8. Let's get this started!




The first thing I want to talk about is audience. More specifically: people who think it's okay to hold a conversation throughout the entire film. Honestly, if you're one of those people, I have a question for you. What is so damn important that you have to talk about it during the entire film? What?! So much work went into making the film, so much work goes into making pretty much every film and you're going to be disrespectful to both the people who made the movie and the people who are watching it by TALKING DURING THE FILM!!!! WHY?! What's so important that you have to ruin a $50,000,011 (for their budget and my movie ticket) experience? Answer me these questions, please! Anyways, now that that's over, let us move on.




Now we'll take a look at the director of the film Steven Spielberg, I mean J.J. Abrams. He's just a wonderful person, ol' J.J. It seems that Abrams can pretty much make anything good (except for Superman, but that's a story for a different day). Granted, the movie did have Abrams' signature camera flares, but it didn't have as much as Star Trek did and just like in that movie, they gave the film a nostalgic feel. Camera flares=nostalgia because older films used to have them unintentionally and Abrams has decided to embrace what was once considered ugly.




I was going to shorten this section on cast because I thought the movie was filled with a bunch of child actors and nobodies, but then I found out that this film is filled with a bunch of child actors and nobodies... that I recognize. All the kids did well in the film even the large kid who said "mint" a lot and Elle Fanning (younger sister of Dakota Fanning). Freaken Bruce Greenwood was somewhere in the film (he was Capt. Pike in the Star Trek movie). Noah Emmerich, who played the friend in The Truman Show, was the military guy (I knew I had recognized him.) Greg Grunberg, who has known J.J. since childhood, had a small cameo as always. That pretty much covers the cast I wanted to talk about.




As a tribute to Spielberg's E.T. and Close Encounters, Super 8 is one awesome film! It knew just the right things to do to pay homage to older works, something Bryan Singer failed at with Superman Returns. I enjoyed so many scenes in the film simply because they reminded me of E.T. and Close Encounters, the themes featured in the movie where very reminiscent of those films, and hell, they even managed to fit in an anti-drug message (kudos Abrams). But the movie wasn't without it's fautls. Because the movie was made to be like E.T. and Close Encounters I felt like it didn't have any suspence. I found myself predicting everything that was going to happen simply because I've seen a Spielberg film or two in my life. This note doesn't drag the film down, you've just got to accept it and enjoy the film otherwise. As a tribute to both amateur film making and Spielberg films this movie is epic, as anything else, it would have been lacking.




All in all, Super 8 was a pretty good film. Popular too. Everyone I know has seen it or will see it. This, of course, means a higher chance of viewing it with people who talk during the film. Please, if you're one of those people, remain silent during the film and if you're a friend of these people, make sure they keep their mouths shut. That being said I give this film a: B-. GASP, a minus!!! Yeah, saying a C for rental would not be giving the movie credit. It's nowhere near as epic as Star Trek was, but it's a pretty good film. If you loved E.T. and/or Close Encounters definitely see it if you get the chance (which is a B), for the rest of you, if you don't see it until it comes out on DvD, I won't hate you, it's okay. That's all I have to say, thank you for reading!

Movie Review: X-Men First Class

So, how about that X-Men franchise. Bryan Singer made a film that caused Marvel movies to be popular, then he made an awesome sequel. But then the franchise was handed over to Brett Ratner who proceeded to shit on the X-Men. Somehow someone got it in their head to make Origins and the entire X-Men movie franchise fell apart. Enter X-Men First Class, your lord and savior. Yes, X-Men First Class was so good it not only redeemed X-Men, it obliterated the concept of a terrible prequel movie, especially after following the proof of concept Origins. Lets jump into this, shall we!




I'm just not going to mention the audience anymore unless I run into an audience that was rude or disrespectful during the film. We'll just move straight to the director of the film, Matthew Vaughn, this guy did an excellent job, all of the shots he set up in the film were mind blowing, every time a mutant did something cool it looked awesome! That being said, Mr. Vaughn is a total tease, he sets up all of this awesomeness, then takes it away almost as fast as he presents it. Guess he wants people to watch the movie over and over again to fully enjoy it... which is something I'd totally do and you should do as well!!!




This movie had some of the best casting I think I've ever seen, which is weird 'cause a lot of them are playing people who were already well casted in the other films. James McAvoy's depiction of Prof. X felt both intelligent and young, I could see Patrick Stewart being this guy as a younger man. Michael Fassbender as Magneto, same impression McAvoy left with Prof. X. Kevin Bacon as Kevin Bacon, everyone in the film is officially at a Bacon 1 on the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon scale. Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique, no offense to Mrs. Rebecca Romijn O'Connel, but I think Jennifer Lawrence did a far better job as Mystique... and was a bit more prettier. January Jones as Emma Frost, one word for her: hot! Rose Byrne as Moira MacTaggert, forgettable character, but well acted. Nicholas Hoult, made a believable transition from nerd to beast. Oliver Platt as The Villain from 2012, naw, he was one of the good guys in this and I liked him. Ray Wise, I was surpised he was in the movie. Zoe Kravitz, Lenny should have done a version of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" for the film, like Aerosmith did for his daughter. Caleb Landry Jones as the ginger, they're taking over the world! Lucas Till as Havok, total badass. Edi Gathegi as the token black guy, you can probably guess what happens to him. The rest I don't care to mention, but they did a really good job.




In my opinion this is the best X-Men movie out of all of them. Moment after moment was just packed with so many great things. But it wasn't a perfect movie. One of the worst parts of the film is how much they try to tie it into the main franchise when the movie in general, seems to stand alone. It's one thing to provide imagery related to the rest of the films, like Mystiques looks, it's another thing to rip off an entire scene (first scene of the film) and SPOILER have a cameo by a famous character from the other films END SPOILER. Other than that, the movie was pretty kicken, there's just something about the film that brings you into it and completely makes you feel apart of the experience. I don't know what causes it, all I know is that I usually don't get that feeling in films unless I'm watching something really good or a Christopher Nolan movie (and I love me a Christopher Nolan movie.)




Finally, I give this movie an A+. Watch it, watch it, watch it! Fan of X-Men, watch it! Fan of awesome movies, watch it! Fan of things completely unrelated to the film, watch it! Don't wait for it to come out on DvD, if you haven't seen it, get up, get to the theater, and... WATCH IT!!!! Thank you all for reading.

Movie Review: On Stranger Tides (Pirates 4)

Hello once again my readers. Today I bring you my review of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I've got some good things to say and some bad things. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the read.




I've decided to work my way backwards on this one, starting with audience first and working my way to the movie in general. I find that I have a lot more to say at the beginning of these reviews than at the end, so I've decided to switch the order. That way you'll get more content as you read rather than less. That being said, the audience was pretty good, small groups of three here and there and at least they remained quiet.




As far as producing and directing go. Jerry Bruckheimer knows how to produce a good PG-13 Disney movie. I miss Gore Verbinski on directing, though. The main trilogy was epic, this Rob Marshall guy wasn't bad or anything, just... different, that's all I can say.




The cast of this film did wonderful. Johnny Depp was naturally good at his part and so were the rest of the classics, so let's talk about the noobs. Penelope Cruz: I'm just glad to find out she speaks English. This sounds bad I'm sure, but for some reason, back when she dated Tom Cruise, I was under the impression that she only spoke Spanish, I'm glad I was wrong. Sam Claflin as Orlando Bloom, I mean the missionary, he did well and I believed his character was genuine but he was clearly playing the pretty boy of the new film. Finally we get to Ian McShane as Blackbeard, I'm going to start a new paragraph for him because I have a lot to say.




Okay, so I'm a fan of Ian McShane, he did amazing work on Deadwood and was good from what I remember of Kings, but in Pirates.... eh. My main note here is that Ian McShane was playing, well, Ian McShane. Which isn't a bad thing, Ian McShane is awesome, it's just not what I wanted. I realized in this film that every Pirate in the franchise has their own quirks. Barbossa's voice and long-stride walks seem just as unique as Jack Sparrow's drunken slurs and swaying. Davy Jones felt like half man half squid. But Ian McShane just kind of walks on, speaks in his normal British accent and acts like a dick, he did a good job, just not a memorable job.




I enjoyed the movie in general. It was a Pirates film through and through and I loved it for that. It kept me interested, the mythology was awesome as always, but I can't help but ask myself: was a 4th film necessary? What I mean by this is, the 3rd film in the franchise seemed like a good end to the franchise, it closed off loose ends and seemed like a conclusion. Think about it: Bloom and Knightley had an ending, the bad guys were defeated, and Barbossa got the Pearl (he seemed like a far better Captain of it anyways, that and he's the first one the audience sees as the Captain of it).




Although Jack wanted the Pearl like no other, I felt like he didn't really need the Pearl, he had the map to the Foutain of Youth and he was going to search for it. It gave me the impression that everyone would live happy in the end and Jack's character would literally be immortalized becaue one can assume he finds the Fountain, then, when Barbossa dies, he gets his Pearl back and sails the seven seas. Also, one of the major plot points to the 3rd film was the "end of piracy" thing, I felt like that was a theme for the entire film, the end of a franchise represented by the end of the age of pirates. I just assumed it ended with the 3rd film , but I guess I shouldn't assume things.




If the 4th movie is the beginning of another trilogy then I don't think this new trilogy will workout well. The franchise pretty much ended with the 3rd movie and (SPOILER ALERT) the 4th movie concluded Sparrow and Barbossas journey by giving Sparrow the Pearl back and Barbossa a far better ship. (END SPOILER) I'll watch and enjoy a new trilogy, but it'll never be as great as the original.




All in all it was a good film and a good way to spend 2 hours and 17 minutes. If you're a Pirates fan, Depp fan, McShane fan, or Rush fan then I'd give this movie an A for must see. For the rest of you it's a solid B, see it if you get the chance, it's pretty decent.

I was a 90s kid.

If you haven't experienced it already, one of the first moments in your life when you realize that people get old and life changes is when you look at someone younger than you and realize they grew up on different television shows than you did. This happened to me a few years back when I was at a friends house and their younger sibling was watching the Disney Channel. This kid was a big fan of the Jonas Brothers and High School Musical and I realized, "this kid is the child of a new decade." A 90s kid like myself didn't grow up with the Disney Channel, I'm not saying we never watched it, we just watched Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network a hell of a lot more. This is the reason I'm writing this post, I want take a few of you on a nostalgia trip and the rest of you on an educational journey, to a time when the Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers were not to be messed with, to a time when Bakugan's didn't exist but Pokemon roamed the Earth, and to a time when Amanda Bynes was relevant. Welcome to the 90s!




SKETCH COMEDY
A lot of the post will be about television, why? Because it seems to me that most 90s kids grew up on television. So just to get her out of the way, lets talk about Amanda Bynes first. If you had to google the name because you had no clue who she is, you're not a 90s kid. Furthermore, if you did recognize the name, but only from Hairspray and Easy A, you're not a 90s kid. I'm talking about The Amanda Show-Amanda Bynes, I'm talking season 3-6 of All That!-Amanda Bynes. These shows were the SNL's and MADtv's for kids and they were a fuckton better than those shows (at least with the earlier cast. Also, pardon my French.) Anyone aware of a show called Drake and Josh? Guess were they made it big? The Amanda Show! Amanda Bynes was practically the Queen of Nickelodeon, the kings being Kenan Thomson and Kel Mitchell stars of their own show featuring a lot of Orange Soda and a little gem of a movie called Goodburger. Back in the day, these actors were famous, they were good, now... well, lets hope Nick starts showing reruns of All That! or something. (Which they're totally going to do by the way!)




NICKELODEON
Clearly this part of the article is going to get a lot more into Nickelodeon. I just want to skim through this real quick and mention a few shows, see if they pop out for you. Aaahh!!! Real Monsters, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Clarissa Explains It All (Melissa Joan Hart has children now... weird.), Doug, The Ren & Stimpy Show (before it aired on Spike), Rocko's Modern Life, Rugrats (the black kid wasn't always on the show and yes they were once babies), Salute Your Shorts (at least the reruns), The Secret World of Alex Mack, Animorphs (which apparently only had 2 seasons, for some reason I remember it having more), KaBlam (best show ever), Hey Arnold! (taught me long division), The Angry Beavers (before you could call a group of feminists the name), CatDog, The Wild Thornberrys, and Rocket Power (although this and Thornberrys were late 90s). These were among some of the shows I caught on Nick when I was a youngin. Out of all of them, however, I feel I should get into further detail about Rocko's Modern Life.




ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE
This show deserves to be explained in further detail simply because of SpongeBob SquarePants, or as I eventually began to realize "Rocko Under Water." Yes, both shows share some of the same writers and producers, so I suppose its understandable that they'd be at least similar. But I've come to realize they're pretty much the exact same show (only Rocko's Modern Life was original and part of the 90s.) Both shows feature animals, the star of the show is a single male who lives with his pet, he has a next door neighbor who hates him, a near-mentally challenged friend, and lives a pretty average life if it were in a weird cartoon world. Now I was there to watch the first episode of SpongeBob and I like the show and all, but to me, it was the death of the 90s. SpongeBob SquarePants became the Rocko's Modern Life of the new millenium, except it doesn't have as much adult humor in it. Rocko was the best.




CARTOON NETWORK
This is the part were I mention shows from the other network 90s kids watched avidly. Courage the Cowardly Dog (late 90s, but still), Cow and Chicken (remember the episode with the quarter-heads?), Dexter's Laboratory (Ego Trip was a bitchin' movie and apparently an episode was made were Dexter cusses a lot but it only airs at conventions, also, this show launched the career of Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane), Ed, Edd n' Eddy (loved jawbreakers), I Am Weasel (and I R Baboon), Johnny Bravo (adventuring with the little neighbor girl, nobody asked questions), and The Powerpuff Girls (same universe as Samurai Jack, google it). That's just the regular shows, Cartoon Network also introduced our generation to anime (and american shows like animes) with Toonami. It aired shows like: ThunderCats (incase you didn't grow up in the 80s), Voltron, The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest (incase you didn't grow up in the 60s), Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball FUCKING Z (HELLL YEAH!!!!! Before they shortened and re-aired it, which they're doing now), ReBoot (CGI show that was way cooler than TRON on more than one occasion), and even Gundam Wing (which may have been a year after the end of the 90s). Who here reading this remembers the CGI robot that hosted Toonami? Remember the transformations it went through? Awesome! For all the younger generations who watch Cartoon Network now, I just want to mention that at one point in time, Cartoon Network showed ONLY cartoons, this pretty much stopped when they aired the Scooby Doo live action movie and now you can find live action stuff on Cartoon Network.




POKEMON
Gotta catch 'em all! This franchise is still popular today. The 90s was the Golden Age of Pokemon. Back when Ash set out on his adventure with Misty and Brock. It was a time when there were only a set amount and kind of Pokemon in existence, before they started coming up with new ones. Also, Digimon sucked in comparison to Pokemon back in the day. You weren't a 90s kid if you didn't cry when Ash died in the first movie. Also, I can probably find my old Pokemon trading cards if I looked hard enough through my messy closet. This was the best anime show of the 90s for kids.




POWER RANGERS
Go, go, Power Rangers! Guitar solo! Go, go, Power Rangers! Guitar solo! Go, go, Power Rangers! Mighty Morphing Power Rangers! The masters of martial arts. Sure the Ninja Turtles were just as awesome, but they were a cartoon. The Power Rangers were live action and they kicked ass! The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers in particular kicked a lot of ass because they were the original. Eventually the show ended its Zordon story arc and each subsequent series pretty much "rebooted" the franchise. The original Rangers existed in the 90s and they were undefeatable!




STUFF AND THINGS
Who owned a Giga Pet? What about a Tamagotchi? Or a Furby? If you were a 90s kid, at one point in time you owned one of those toys. Or countless other toys to come out of the 90s. The toys of the 90s seemed all about taking care of virtual pets. You questioned getting a real pet when you realized you couldn't take care of your virtual one. That's what the toys of the 90s did to us, made us question shit!




CONCLUSION
I'm glad I was a 90s kid. The first generation of kids raised on television, but could still enjoy playing dodge ball with the neighbor kids and so forth. We seem to be the last in a generation who watched violent shows when we were young (evil parents and networks have cracked down on this), last in a generation who enjoyed playing outside (childhood obesity is STILL on the rise), and last in a generation who enjoyed life without the good internet (we existed during the time of Dial Up!). We were also the first generation of kids to master the art of gaming (try to beat a 90s kid at Mortal Kombat, I dare you), the first generation to experience the weird advances in computer technology (you could take care of a virtual pet!!!), and the first generation that no longer had to sneak porno mags into their rooms because we could find that shit online. The 90s seems to be right there on the line that seperates the generation of older decades from the generation of the millenium. We still have the values of our parents and could grow up in similar ways, but we can also use all this new age technological stuff kids play with these days. We didn't have to be as conservative as our grandparents, we didn't have to be on drugs like our parents, and we weren't addicted to technology like the new generation (well, if you don't count television). So I raise a glass to the 90s! You were an awesome decade and made one awesome generation of people! Can't wait to see what the future holds for the post-millenium decades!

Movie Review: Thor

Alright, so last night I saw Thor. Today I felt like getting back into my movie reviews. I'm going to try to start making these different, write more freely and such. But I'll more than likely get back into the groove of previous movie reviews. Now, let us talk about Thor! Also, possible spoilers.




So in general it was a decent movie. The story structure seemed to work really well, Asgard looked absolutely amazing, and the acting as well as the directing worked well. Many parts of the film were absolutely stunning. However, I did have at least one negative note and that was the pacing of the film once Thor came to Earth. It paced like an awesome-mythical action movie while he was in Asgard... and it pretty much didn't stop. Once he hit Earth, were things are naturally going to be a bit more calm, some of the scenes began to feel a little rushed. My example for this is when he comes to the conclusion that S.H.I.E.L.D. are the good guys and offers his allegiance to them (for the Avengers film.). It literally happens in the amount of time it took you to read that last sentence. But all in all, it was a fun and funny movie and worked out well.




The writing for the film was pretty good too. It had plenty of humorous moments and the characters felt true to the comic. I just wanted to put this paragraph here to mention J. Michael Stracynski, one of the story writers for the film. This guy writes comics and if anyone read Earth One Superman, then they know the guy is very good with theatrical structuring and can handle comics really well. Unless we talk about Superman Grounded which was the shitstorm about Superman walking around the USA that led to the other shitstorm in which Superman renounces his US citizenship, which is written by the guy who helped come up with The Dark Knight oddly enough and is writing the next Superman film. So I guess the lesson here is, if you want to be a good writer, write a few good things, then something crappy, then come up with something brilliant. Man I'm looking forward to The Man of Steel. But that topic is for another time.




The acting in this movie was pretty darn good I must say. Chris Hemsworth was excellent as Thor. I was expecting something more cheesy and Almighty God like, as the trailer showed, but Hemsworth brought a certain humanity to the role that actually made me sympathize for the character. Natalie Portman is just a fine actress, can't really say more, she was wonderful in Black Swan and wonderful in this. Tom Hiddleston as Loki, holy shit, the guy just embodied the smooth tongue trickster god so well. Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin, little overacted on a few parts, but it's Anthony Hopkins damn it! YOU WILL RESPECT HIM! Stellan Skarsgard, alright part, I guess he'll be in the Avengers, I'll have to judge him better then. Kat Dennings, she was cute, that's all I can say. Idris Elba as Heimdall, he had my favorite part in the film, this guy was an absolute boss. Everyone else was decent but nothing worth mentioning except Jaimie Alexander as Sif, she played a warrior goddess well. The warriors three were funny, the wife of Odin was a wife, and the frost giants and SHIELD agents were in the film too.




As far as directing goes, Kenneth Branagh did an excellent job. Like I mentioned, so many shots in this film were stunning and a lot of stuff worked well visually. I haven't seen much of what he has directed (a ton of Shakespeare stuff). But this guy did play Gilderoy Lockhart in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, making him an okay guy in my book.




Let me take a moment now and talk about the audience. I was one of 3 people. I was 1/3 the audience! Granted it was 9:50 and people were waiting to see Pirates at 12, but come on people! Start watching movies! Find a way to get $11 and go see some movies! I don't care if you have to work the street corners, get the money!




I give this movie a good B+. If you remember my grading system, B is for see it if you get the chance, the plus is an added bonus of: make it this movie if you have to choose between it and something else. That is all, can't wait for some Avengers!

Smallville

As you all may know, I am a big Superman fan. I own countless Superman paraphernalia among which include a pair of Superman boxers, behind which holds every women's kryptonite if you know what I'm saying. Wink face! Anyways, not many may know this, but a lot of the reason I'm an avid Superman fan is because of Smallville. Yes, I once started out as a dude who simply liked a show, but that liking evolved into something far bigger than what it was when it began, kind of like a Pokemon. So this blog post is dedicated to Smallville which airs it's final episode on the CW tonight, check your local listings. (Oh, just so you know, I used to like the Green Lantern before Superman, but now the Lantern's like 4th or 5th on my list.)




Smallville has been on for the past 10 years! This show started when I was 10 years old, I didn't fully get into it until I was 13, which means that I became a teen and legal adult all within the span of one show. When I first heard about the show back in 2001 I had no clue what it was about. All I knew was that it involved Kansas and tornadoes (which seems about right for Kansas, being from there and all.) It wasn't until I did my research at a local library 3 years later that I found out that Smallville is the name of the fictional town in Kansas where Superman grew up. I knew from that point on that it was my duty to watch the show and watch I did, little did I know that it would become one of my favorite shows ever.




Now I'm not going to get into an explanation on how the show started, you can just google that. But I will mention what I love about the show. Before that, however, I'll mentioned the things I don't like.

1. Getting rid of Pete Ross. They got rid of him early and he was Clark Kents only dude friend. So for years Smallville was a show about Clark Kent "The Ladies Man...Not!" This changed with the addition of the Green Arrow to the show.




2. Following WAY to close to the Christopher Reeve's movies. Now don't get me wrong, Smallville has taken plenty of creative liberties over the years but time and time again they've tied the show to the Reeve's movies. A crystal Fortress of Solitude, the same Phantom Zone special effect, etc. It seemed to do more than just pay homage to the movies and made the show seem less creative and original whenever they pulled it off.




3. Killing off Jonathan Kent. This relates to note 2. Different versions of Superman handle the Kents in different ways. In most, they live very long and healthy lives, in others Pa Kent dies, usually followed by Ma Kent. Smallville didn't have to kill off Pa Kent, but they did, more than likely because the movies did it. Oh well, it was a good episode, though.




4. The writing, but only on some occasions. Usually I'll sit down and watch a really good episode of Smallville. But some of the times the episodes feel like they're written to strictly fit the type of show it is: a teen romance drama. Other times it will rip off the plots to movies, especially when it did the Hangover episode and quite recently the 300 episode. But when Smallville is original and relates to Superman more, it's a really good episode and I'll fully enjoy watching it.

Here's the list some of things I like about the show.

1. The cameos. Holy Special Guest Star, Batman! This show had a ton of cameos from people related to Superman over the years. Lois and Clark's Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher have been on the show. Christopher Reeve's became a series regular at one point (being Clark's mentor no less!) The voice of Jor-El is the same guy who played Zod in the movies! The list goes on.




2. Going from teenager to Man of Steel. They kept to a good progression with this. The first 3 or 4 seasons involved a High School student discovering powers and weaknessess, then Clark goes to college, then works at the Daily Planet, meets Lois, and hopefully will become Superman in this last episode. Now, while I would have liked the show to be more like Buffy the Vampire Slayer (a topic for a different discussion), the show progressed nicely on its own.




3. Smallville is Superman. I've had people tell me that the show has bad guys from the Superman comics that shouldn't appear until much later in the mythology (i.e. Brainaic, Zod, Darkseid, Doomsday, Metallo, Bizarro, etc). But Smallville tackles this in an interesting way. The bad guys appear, but even they are an earlier version of the one's in the comics or changed in some way. Bizzaro is a phantom not a clone, Doomsday still looks human before becoming a monster, Zod is a clone of a young Zod, so on. The show seems to blend the idea of a young Superman and Superman really well. Also, as far as Lex Luthor goes, the Superboy comics established that Clark and Lex knew each other when they were young.




4. Characters. Early season had the classics (Kent, Ross, Luthor, Lang.) As the show progressed they've added people. Perry White and Jimmy Olsen have made appearances. Lois Lane finally got on the show. Heck they've managed cameos by other heroes like The Flash, Aquaman, Cyborg, Black Canary, The Martian Manhunter, and Green Arrow. The characters fit in the show so well too, it's suprising. Just like with the bad guys, the writers know how to make them work.



5. The Rules. No flying and no uniform. These two rules have kept the show grounded over the years. The rules allowed the show to stick with the "early Superman" concept really well. However, they've almost broken their rules on occasion (making for awesome episode.) Clark levitated above his bed after having a flying dream once, he claimed to fly inside the Tornado at the end of season one, he full on flew when he became "Evil Kryptonian Kal-El", other characters have flown plenty of times. As far as the suit goes, they probably should have put him in it sooner. They managed to explain the color scheme because he always wears jeans and a red jacket on the show, this changed to "The Blur in a Trench Coat" look, which changed into his current one (which I like about as much as his offical Superman unifrom, which they actually have on the show, he just hasn't worn it.)

So that's that. Smallville: a show I have loved for years that I now have to say goodbye to. I can't wait to see what other live action Superman stuff appears in the future, but until then, I'll watch reruns of this show. I raise a glass to Smallville, for staying strong for 10 full and wonderful seasons. Here's to you!

I've got nothing.

I'm going to take a break this week from really writing something. Got to let the creative creating computer in my head reboot. (Alliteration, I like it!) But no need to fear, I will come back with something good next week and I have a few ideas for stuff I may start writing on days other than Friday. 'Cause that's what we all need, more blogging from Casey! So thank you for checking in and thank you for reading.

M. Night Shyamalan: We Created the Monster.

So from the title you can probably already guess at least half of what this blog post will be about: donkey punching. More specifically: How M. Night Shyamalan has donkey punched the modern film. But the second half of the title suggests that I'm also going to write some long winded explanation about how it is in fact our fault, the viewing audience, that Mr. Shyamalan keeps making terrible films. Both are correct, this post will be about M. Night Shyamalan and how the movie-going audience created the monster that he has become.




I don't believe I have to give too much explanation as to who M. Night Shyamalan is. He's the genius that made The Six Sense and Unbreakable. He's also the guy who shat out The Happening. Many people regard Shyamalan as a "one-trick pony" for his continuing use of the "twist" ending in his movies. (Citation: Wikipedia bitches!)But see, people call him a one-trick pony without acknowledging that we wanted the same trick from him time and time again. Hell, we still want that trick from him, if anything to make fun the new and shitty ways he can pull a twist out of his ass.




Follow my train of thought on this as I take you through the films he is most famous for. The Six Sense: introduced the signature twist ending to the public. It's so well known for it's twist ending that people use it to satirize movie spoilers by telling friends who haven't seen it that (SPOILER ALERT) Bruce Willis was dead the entire time. Seriously though, if you haven't seen it you may need to see a doctor.




Let's move on to Unbreakable. It has yet another twist ending that I won't ruin for you because you should actually see this film, it's one of his best. So the count was now at two movies in a row that featured a twist ending that we enjoyed, although we liked The Six Sense's twist ending more than Unbreakable's. This movie also introduced us to M. Night's essay-styled movie writing that he would later use in Lady in the Water. However Mr. Shyamalan writes, the audiences of the world wanted to see more twist endings.




Then M. Night did Signs and the shit officially hit the fan. Now Shyamalan's career wasn't ruined here and the movie can still be regarded as decent in the very least. But this was the film that started to make the twist ending seemed tired. It was also the film that put a face to the directors name when he starred as the movies Deus Ex Machina (something he would later do in Lady in the Water, but I'll get to that when I get there.) Anyways, if you like aliens and so forth, this movie was probably good for you. If you don't, it was probably the movie that did it in for you with M. Night.




The Village was the movie that did it for me. It was clearly made so that M. Night could pander to the audience that wanted more and more scary films with twist endings. For me however, this movie fell short. I hated The Village, the twist wasn't as supernatural as his previous twists. Some people really liked The Village BECAUSE everything in the movie could fit within a realistic world. But me, not so much.




Lady in the Water, I officially lost faith in Shyamalan with this movie. The narrative came off like he was writing an essay about fantasy and he starred in his own film as a very important character. This bothers me with directors because, unless you're making a comedy, you really shouldn't star in your own movies because it just seems like you're trying to force your supposed "acting skills" upon us when you're known for your directing talents. Either star in a film or direct it, don't do both simultaneously.




The Happening, nothing happened in this film. The wind was a villain or something and John Leguizamo kills himself a quarter's way through the film which royally pissed me off. I like John Leguizamo, he needs to be in more movies and not get killed off.




As you can see, M. Night has clearly descended into madness with his film making. He tried to escape this madness by making The Last Airbender. A movie he pretty much did for his kids which, if you ask me, is a very kind thing for him to do. The Last Airbender was his attempt to break free of the one-trick pony stereotype and people hated the film. But see, we hated the film for a different reason than usual. It didn't have a twist ending and it wasn't scary, but it did try to fit one season of a TV series about children into a two hour movie. The movie was doomed from the start. But then M. Night Shyamalan worked on a project that is hopefully the beginning of his redemption.




I am talking about Devil, of course. A movie that was laughed at when the trailer was shown (seriously, YouTube this stuff, people were cracking up), but then pretty much enjoyed by almost everyone who watched it. Now granted, it's not the best film out there and can pretty much be regarded as a solid B film. But it was enjoyable all the same.




So what does this say about M. Night Shyamalan's career? I say we don't give the guy enough credit. I'll be apologetic here and say that M. Night Shyamalan can be a good director/writer/hell, even actor, if we just let him be. He's written and directed good films, so obviously he has that in him and if he stays to breif cameos that don't really move the plot along and are just cameos, then he may be regarded as an okay actor.




I'm going to leave you with this. Let M. Night Shyamalan do his thing. No matter how bad he gets, he seems to at least genuienly care about his movies and take them seriously, he's no Ed Wood (look him up) or George Lucas. I think we can all agree that he's better than Uwe Boll. If Shyamalan doesn't make a good movie within the next 3 films then he is truly a terrible film maker. But in order for him to make a good film, we have to let him. Stop expecting "scary" films with twist endings and if he keeps making him, then clearly he's a terrible person and should retire from hollywood. That's all I have to say about that, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Re: Re: Re: Reboot, Re-Imagine, Remake

So in honor of Scream 4 I figured I would write about Reboots, Re-Imaginings, and Remakes. I was going to make this post about M. Night Shyamamaaammmalan, but that will have to wait until next week. For now, you'll just have to read my break down on the differences between the three Re's. Enjoy!

1. The Remake: This one's quite possibly the most common of the three. It tipically gets made when the original movie fades into obscurity and some new director wants to put his spin on a classic and make it relevant for a new age. A good example of the remake is King Kong. According to wikipedia there are at least 7 different King Kong movies that have been made since 1933. Apparently only two of them are remakes, this means they pretty much share the same plot as the original: Adrien Brody finds a mysterious island, discovers King Kong, screws King Kong, which causes King Kong to change it's sex and go on a rape rampage through New York City. Wait a minute, I think I'm getting my plots mixed up here. Anyways, remakes tend to stick close to the original source material and usually only serve to show the original movie but with better graphics and typically a modern setting (or nostalgic setting like Peter Jackson's King Kong.)


2. The Reimagining: This term gets thrown around a lot these days. More than likely because it's a more modernized version of the remake. The difference is that a reimagining usually strays away from it's source material. Essentially someone looks at an old movie or TV series (let's say Battlestar Galactica) and decides to remake it but this time change the nature of the villains (i.e. robots are now human/robots), change the sex of the characters (i.e. Starbuck now has breasts and so does Boomer) and then make it one big War on Terror allegory.


3. The Reboot: Now this one is almost similar to both a reimagining and remake except it's not. The reboot tends to completely get rid of all previous continuity in hopes to start anew with fresh ideas. Typically a reboot happens when a more recent movie franchise has failed. This differs from a remake in that remakes tend to redo something that was good but just faded into obscurity. The reboot differs from a reimagining because reimaginings change source material rather than completely discard it for something new. Now there are two different kinds of reboots: the Franchise Reboot and the Sequel Reboot. A good example of these are: Christopher Nolan's Batman and Scream 4. The Franchise Reboot pretty much takes a failed movie franchise of the last decade and makes it better. The Sequel Reboot does the same thing except it actually fits it into the continuity of the failed franchise. Now to drive my point home on the differences between the three Re's I'm going to take the movies I mentioned and explore them as if they were the other Re's.


4. King Kong: If it were reimagined King Kong would have been a gigantic sloth instead of a gorilla, Adrien Brody would have been the damsel in distress, and climbing the Empire State Building at the end would somehow represent the terrorist attacks during 9/11. If it were a Franchise Reboot Peter Jackson would have made King Kong then Son of King Kong, which would have flopped in the box office, and then hollywood would haved hired Christopher Nolan to give his take on what King Kong represents. If it were a Sequel Reboot Peter Jackson would have made a 3rd movie called King Kong Returns or something, in which King Kong's son has a son.


5. Battlestar Galactica: If it were a remake Starbuck would have had a penis, 'nuff said. If it were a Franchise Reboot, the 1980's Battlestar Galactica movie would have had a ton of failed sequels and some director would have come along and did what Ronald D. Moore did with the modern BSG except without all the changes (which is actually what Bryan Singer's next project will be.) If it were a Sequel Reboot, it would have had the main characters of the original series but the plot of the new series last episode.


6. Batman: As a remake it would have had Nolan's first film involve Heath Ledger's Joker, the second involving the Penguin, and the third involving Aaron Eckhart's Two-Face. As a reimagining, Bruce Wayne would be a detective who hunts down his parents murderer, they call him the Batman because he works the night shift. As a Sequel Reboot, Nolan would have cast George Clooney as The Dark Knight and... would have made an awesome movie, repairing the damage done by Joel "Batnipples" Schumacher.


7. Scream 4: As a remake it would have had the same essential plot but none of the original cast would have been in it and it would have come out 20 years from now. As a reimagining, the killer would murder his victims using a hockey stick while wearing a Richard Nixon mask. As an entire Franchise Reboot: SEE "As a remake," but make it more recent.

Well, there you have it folks. That's my take on these matters. Come tomorrow I will have rewritten this blog post, except I'll mention The Dollars Trilogy, the new Halloween movies, The Incredible Hulk, and Superman Returns. I'll also add a lot more War on Terror allegories and claim that I have a vagina! Until next time, Casey signing off!

Halo Vs Call of Duty: It's Time We Bury the Hatchet

Before I get started with this post let me just say Happy Birthday to Emma Watson and Charlie Chaplin. Moment of silence for Chaplin, may he rest in peace. Moment of silence for Emma Watson's career post-Harry Potter, may it rest in peace. Now let's get started!

For those who aren't aware both Halo and Call of Duty are First Person Shooter (FPS) video games. If you are aware of their existence then you are more than likely aware of the feud between Call of Duty players and Halo players. Halo fans tend to call Call of Duty players things like, "stupid", "dumb", and "cockbiting jackasses." While Call of Duty fans call Halo players, "immature","young", and "shit-eating Kumquats." In case you where wondering, I am a shit-eating Kumquat. But hopefully after this little post, it won't matter what I am, because it's time to bury the hatchet. It's time to make Halo fans and Call of Duty fans friends.

In order to end this feud we must understand why the feud is exists. Despite being FPS games, Halo and Call of Duty are different on many different levels (CoD: Black Ops excluded.) Halo is a sci-fi series where your character gets futuristic weapons, armor, and shielding to fight off hordes of aliens. Call of Duty takes a more realistic approach and uses historical battles for its gameplay. From what I can gather these simple differences and the affect they have on gameplay are the only reason Halo and CoD fans at each others necks.

I've heard Call of Duty fans say that Halo was too easy for them. That beating Halo on Legendary (the highest difficulty level in the game) was not much of an accomplishment. I had a friend that played Halo on Normal and found it too easy, but wouldn't play it on Legendary. They didn't even play Multiplayer, which is one of the more fun aspects of the game. On the opposite side of this I've had people tell me Call of Duty was lame and boring. A Halo rap video online pretty much compares Call of Duty fans to 3-year-olds. But really, if it's gameplay that causes people to fight over which game sucks and which game doesn't, then why fight at all?

Both games have made millions. Both games are incredibly popular. Halo has expanded into book series and T.V. Hell, people still want to see a Halo movie. Call of Duty has expanded into other titles sharing the CoD tag, it has it's historical games, but it also has Modern Warfare. Halo fans can't hate on Call of Duty because it's successful and provides gamers with the experience to essentially re-live famous war battles. Call of Duty fans can't hate on Halo because it too is successful and provides for a new way to play FPS.

Now comes the part where we bury the hatchet. Halo fans, don't hate on Call of Duty until you've tried it. I guarantee you it's fun and challenging. Call of Duty fans, vice versa. If either one of you find the other game to be too easy, then good for you. You have a gift that others would kill to have. If you can honestly play Halo on Legendary or Multiplayer and kick ass then you should use that to your advantage. Use the "easy gameplay" to kick the asses of the one type of gameplayer everyone hates that CoD and Halo share with each other, noobs. 'Cause at the end of the day we can all agree that little 13 year olds who cuss exessivly while gaming suck. So if you won't bury the hatchet for the sake of being respectful towards two very popular games, then do it for the sake of killing those young-immature-stupid-dumb-cockbiting-shit-eating-jackass-Kumquat noobs!!!! I have made my peace, thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed!

Friday: My Analysis of the Rebecca Black Song

I may be behind on this by a couple of weeks, but the song is still being senselessly thrown around over the internet. Therefore, it is not too late to give my take on the lyrics and music video to this infamous song. It's Friday!

• So we open with a bunch of "yeahs" as a horrible CGI calendar peels back it's pages and depicts a very grotesque image of our singer Rebecca Black. Friday is listed as Friday, Sunday is for studying (the scriptures? who studies on a Sunday?), oh but Monday is a test (what a wonderful way for a teacher to start the week off, with a test), Tuesday is more homework day, Wednesday is music practice (she's going to need it), the essay's due Thursday, then it's Friday again. Also, some quotes are on each page, I think they're song quotes because I recognized Manic Monday on Monday's page. Moving on!


• "7AM waking up in the morning," fair enough, lot of people do that. "Gotta be fresh gotta go downstairs, gotta have my bowl," smoke up!, "gotta have my cereal," obviously she's getting the munchies after smoking her bowl. "Seeing everything, the time is going, ticking on and on, everybody's rushing, gotta get down to the bus stop, gotta catch my bus, I see my friends," so therefore I will not be taking the bus.


• "Kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" I say put her in the trunk for being indecisive. Besides, everyone should have a Rebecca Black in their trunk in case of emergency.


• "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday," but you've gotta jump up, jump up and get down! "Everybody's looking forward to the weekend," then this lyric repeats, unfortunately.


• "Partying, partying, yeah, partying, partying, yeah, fun, fun, fun, fun, looking forward to the weekend," that's got to be the laziest set of lyrics ever written in the history of ever.


• "7:45 we're driving on the highway," at night... not sitting in your seat... this will end well. "Cruising so fast, I want time to fly," don't worry, when your friend crashes the car and you're put into a coma for 10 years time will really seem to fly. "Fun, fun, thinking about fun" coincidence, I'm thinking about genocide too. "You know what it is," no, no I do not, and quite frankly I am frightened to find out. "I got this, you got this," and now we all have herpes. "My friend is by my right, ay" she's got it too. "I got this, you got this, and now you know it," well it was your responsibility to tell me, but it was me who should have worn the condom.


• "Kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" SHOTGUN! No seriously, somebody shoot her.


• "It's Friday....gotta get down... looking forward to the weekend... partying... fun, fun, fun, fun... looking forward to the weekend," I'm not, at least, not anymore.


• "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday," that was when Ms. Black's intelligently written essay about time was due, "today is, is Friday, Friday," couldn't have said it better myself, "we-we-we so excited," is that even proper english, "we so excited," nope. "We gonna have a ball today," not me cuz I be smokin a bowl wit mah oda frands and we only be chillin. "Tomorrow is Saturday," bullshit! I don't believe you. "And Sunday comes afterwards," praise the Lord on high! "I don't want this weekend to end," but I want you to stop singing.


• This is the part were some radom rap star comes out of nowhere and pretty much reiterates everything Rebecca has said up to this point, "It's Friday, cruising, partying, it's a weekend."


• The song then ends with Rebecca repeating, "It's Friday, partying, etc," part and everyone at the Friday night party she went to begins to cheer. But they're not cheering because she sang so well, they're cheering because she finally shut up!

Overall this song kind of sucks. It's horribly written and directed and Ms. Black sounds like the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. If you like the song, good for you. If you don't think Rebecca is that bad, good for you. But me, I don't like Rebecaa Black, so I'm not going to listen to her and instead continue to listen to a much better young pop singer... Justin Bieber, 'cause it's Friday and I got the fever!

Best Moive Ever: The Room

Oh hi reader. I had the pleasure of watching a very wonderful film last night titled The Room. Never before have I witnessed a movie as great as this. I want to share my thoughts of the movie, so here it goes.

To start off, The Room is a dramatic love story about a man named Johnny coming to grips with the harsh reality that his future wife Lisa is cheating on him with his best friend Mark. The film is also filled with subplots involving drug dealers, sex, and psychology. All of these plot points make up what is arguably one of the best dramatic screenplays of all time. I feel no need to elaborate further on the plot seeing as the movie didn't feel the need either.

The acting in this film is top of the line. Leonardo Dicaprio eat your heart out, this films has the best ensemble of dramatic actors I have ever seen. Dicaprio's acting in drama's such as Titanic pale in comparison to the acting in The Room. When director, writer, and star of the film Tommy Wiseau professes his love to Lisa, he does it with the finesse only a highly trained actor could pull off. But acting isn't the only thing Tommy Wiseau is good at.

Without any doubt I can say that this film took place in San Francisco. Shot after shot showed The City by the Bay in all of it's glory. Not a single scene felt like it was filmed on a soundstage in Los Angeles, despite the fact that it apparently was. I praise Wiseau's directing, it truly is like no other.

On Wiseau's writing all I can say is: exquisite. I'm surprised this movie has never won a single award for it's fantastic screenplay. I don't believe I can find a single plot error or inconsistency in the entire film. Even the subplots are well done.

I'm going to end my praise of the movie here, although I can say so much more wonderful things about this stunning film. The only real thing left to say in this blog post is: April Fools!!!!

Goodness this movie was the worst piece of "Hi doggy" doodoo I have ever seen! Not a single damn thing about this movie was good. The movie was filled with a bunch of pointless shots of San Francisco. The acting was worse than the acting in an amateur porno! Not a single scene made any sense and most of the movie was filled with gratuitous amounts of sex scenes. So it probably was an amateur porno I was watching! The soundtrack of the entire film consisted of R&B music. Most scenes had no context to them at all and not a single subplot was resolved or explored further than one scene.

An example of how bad this film was comes in a scene where the characters of Mike (the friend) and Lisa (future wife) have sex. In this scene crappy R&B music is played. In the next scene we see Mike throwing around a football with Wiseau's character for about a minute for NO DESCERNIBLE REASON, then the next scene has Mike and Lisa attempting to go at it again. In one scene we find out that a character named Denny is involved with a drug dealer. The scene has the drug dealer coming to the guys house and threatening him, does anything happen beyond this? Nope! The main characters kick the guy out and then proceed to yell at Denny for about five minutes.

I can go on all day about how terrible this film is. I can't find a single redeemable quality about the film. The only character that made any sense was Lisa's mother who actually called the characters out on their random bullshit, but only half the time.

Now I can sit here and write that this movie is flawed to it's very core, however, I don't know if that would be an honest statement. I believe that any plot can be interesting so long as it's done correctly. Hell, I'm sure someone could make an interesting film about shopping for groceries. Just imagine the commercial, "Leonardo Dicaprio in Aisle Five! BUUUUURRRRNNNT! Directed by Christopher Nolan." But I couldn't tell if The Room had a good plot. It seemed interesting, but I wanted to know more. I wanted explanation as to why everything was happening, because everything happened out of context to something unknown to the audience. I wanted at least one actor to be good. I wanted to watch the movie and say that it was so bad it was good. But I can't, in my right mind, say anything truly good about The Room.

The only way this movie could be enjoyable is if I watched it high, because I'm pretty sure Tommy Wiseau was on something when making it. When I die and inevitably go to Hell, Satan is going to force me to watch this movie over and over again for all eternity! It's that bad of a film and that's all I have to say about that.

And now I'm back...

... from outer space. I've decided to start blogging again. 'Cause, why not? I noticed that sometimes I write depressing blog enteries and sometimes I write ones that I at least find entertaining and possibly funny to read. This time around, I'm not writing anything unless I have fun writing it. This means if it's something made for entertainment, no worries; if it's something written to be serious, well, at least it won't be depressing. That being said, I need some ideas for stuff to write. What did you like from before? What would you like me to write in the future? Leave me a comment here or message me on facebook or something telling me what kind of stuff you'd like to read. I'm practically offering to work the corners and streets of the interwebs for you, so use you're pimp hand to type topics for me to write about! Thanks in advance.